Posts from — April 2005

It seems that everyone is crowding into my space lately. Yesterday in the men’s lavatory someone used the urinal right next to mine instead of skipping one. At the gym, in a row of 20 empty elliptical machines, a guy chooses the one right next to me. That guy should learn some bathroom etiquette.

The countless bubble-bursting tailgaters on the road, the people standing too close behind me in line and the close-talkers I meet are starting to wear me down. Is it normal to want others to keep their distance from me? These are things my therapist and I will discuss this week.

I am often asked to recommend computer systems for people around the office. Usually I just tell them “Dude, get a Dell” and send them on their way.

As an alternative, here is a detail of my current computer system. Using my specifications, you can get a great computer for word processing and web surfing.

-Processor
800 MHz vector processors
Number of processors 16
64 single streaming processors (SSP)
16 multi stream processors (MSP)
Vector Pipes 2 per SSP, 8 per MSP
Peak performance Approximately 204.8 Gflops (3.2 Gflops per SSP processor, 12.8 Gflops per MSP processor)

-Memory
Maximum memory bandwidth
34.1 GB/s Memory - Cache
76.8 GB/s Cache - CPU

-Memory Size
128 Gbytes (16384 Mwords) Total Memory

-I/O
Attached Disks 11.2 Tbytes

-8x CD burner (I really need to upgrade)

The next time you hear a politician use the word “billion” casually, think about whether you want the politician spending your tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases.

-A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

-A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

-A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

-A billion days ago no-one walked on two feet on earth.

-A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate
the government spends it.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an ass.

As I drive to work each week, traffic volumes change from day to day. Tuesday used to be the worst with traffic backed everywhere and making my trip almost twice as long. Friday had the lightest traffic. Now Wednesday has the distinction of being the day with the heaviest traffic. I leave at the same time each morning and one day it will take me 20 minutes to get to work. Then on Wednesday it will take almost 45 minutes. I don’t get why it changes but it’s aggravating.

As I drive along, I ask myself:
“Where the hell are all these people going?”
“Why are they in my way?”
“Can’t they stay home until I get to work?”
“Is that Bozo’s blinker broken”?
“Where did that bimbo learn to drive?”
“What would happen if I run someone off the road?”
“Would I get it a ticket?”
“Is vehicular manslaughter a felony?” (kidding)

But I finally realize it’s not worth getting upset. I crank up the radio, drive along peacefully and get to work whenever.

This past weekend was busy for me. I stayed around the house and finished projects I’ve been putting off for a while. First, in the bedroom, I put wood-grained contact paper on the walls and ceiling to give it a “log cabin” look.

Next I installed a peep hole in the front door - in reverse. Now when people come over to visit, they can look through the peep hole and see if I’m home or not.

Later I put a garbage disposal unit in the shower. I figure it will save me lots of time preparing dinner while taking my shower.

Finally we bought a big dresser with drawer’s so big, I can have guests sleep in it.

With the season finale episodes of Stargate, Atlantis and Battlestar Galactica last week, SciFi Friday’s are over. It was fun settling in for the night each week to watch three of my favorite shows for three hours.

Now that the season is over I have to say I enjoyed Battlestar the most. The plot twists, special effects and the general look and feel of the show impressed me. The show has the potential of going a long way and I’m hoping it won’t disappoint me. Stargate continued with some great storylines and I hear Ben Browder from Farscape will be joining the cast soon. It’s rumored Richard Dean Anderson wants out of the show and Browder I think Browder will be a good replacement. But the best part of Stargate is Jack O’Neill and his off-the-cuff remarks. He’s hilarious and I’ll miss him.

Last night we saw the premiere of the new movie Sahara. With lots of action, good music and special effects, Pam and I had a great time. I compare the film to National Treasure, Tomb Raider or Raiders of the Lost Ark. The characters were fun and I enjoyed the interaction between the main guy and his sidekick. I give this film 5 out of 5 stars, it was the best movie we’ve seen in a very long time.

This past weekend went fine except for a few problems. I got up early Saturday to leave for the demolition derby and my pickup truck had a flat tire. The spare was stolen and none of the tires from any of the four cars on the front lawn would fit. Since we were running late, and we had to pickup some 40 ouncers on the way, I took the Camaro. We squeezed all the kids into the back seat, and there was barely enough room for all 7 of them.

The derby was real fun and we got back in plenty of time for my favorite show, Cops. I had also taped Jerry Springer so I had plenty to watch that night. It was nice outside so the kids stayed on the couch on the front porch. During the show, I always get a kick out of the Singing Bass picture turning on every time the “Bad Boys” song is playing.

I got the tire fixed on Sunday and picked up some new mud flaps with silhouettes of naked girls. I’m sure they will aggravate our commie neighbors but I don’t care. Also, I decided to fix the skirt on the trailer. It came loose a few months ago and the old lady has been nagging me to take care of it. With some duct tape I managed to get it standing up straight and it looks pretty damn good now.

Monday I got up real early (11 am) to get haircuts for the kids. They like to keep their hair longer in the back (and shorter in the front) but I think they still needed to get a trim. Later, I’m hoping to speak with my boss get some time off. NASCAR season is starting. Yee-ha.