Posts from — November 2005

Waiter/Waitress: after you take away our plates, and ask if we would like anything else and we say “no,” please return promptly with the check. Don’t go on your break in the back while we’re wondering what happened to you.

The idiots on the road after the first snowfall: SLOW DOWN

Couple with infant at the new Harry Potter movie: leave them home. What can they possibly get out of that movie?

Engineering student that sits near me: try not to look so busy all the time, even if it is personal business. You’re making the rest of us look bad.

Restaurant cashier: stop asking if everything with our dinner was OK. We both know you could care less.

Computer users that I help: when you forget your password, just admit it. Don’t blame the computer for your memory problems. I hear that all the time and think to myself, “what a dumbass.”

So we finally took the plunge into satellite radio. I’ve been wanting it for a while but the monthly charge and high equipment prices put me off. Then Pam mentioned she was interested in getting it for her car and I jumped right on it. We’re going with Sirius because of their programming (Howard Stern) and the radios they offered. The subscription price is only $7 more per month for a second unit so I’m getting one for myself.

My first thought was to convert the existing “satellite radio-ready” unit in my car. After checking the prices, I quickly decided against it. They want $199 for the module and another $100 for installation - way too much for what I need.

So I started looking around and ended up getting a Starmate Replay unit for each of us. They come with docking stations for the car AND the house.

The equipment should arrive tomorrow, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Everyone knows my main pet peeve with other drivers is their failure to use turn signals. It infuriates me when some slob turns in front of me and doesn’t use their blinker.

This morning during the pre-flight check in my car, I discovered my left turn indicator lights weren’t working. The right ones were fine but the left signals were malfunctioning in the front and back. Since I was running late to work, I left anyway but decided to make only right turns all the way to work.

I plotted my course where I had to overshoot roads just so I could come back where I needed to be by turning right at an intersection further down. It took a little figuring but I finally made it to work. I was over an hour late but I was still able to enforce my policy of using my blinker at every turn.

Breaking News Alert. In a Channel Z exclusive we are the first to break this story that you will see only here on Channel Z. When we return we will show you the shocking news that you have been waiting to see. It’s a story you don’t want to miss and will continue later in the broadcast. After the break we’ll talk about this very important 6-part exclusive investigation only on Channel Z that is developing right now in your area. And it’s only on Channel Z Action News that works for you where local news comes first.

I hate local news. If their shameless self-promotions were removed, the broadcast with the real news would only last 10 minutes. I much rather get my news from online sources where I can quickly scan items of interest and bypass all the fluff. My intelligence is being insulted each time I watch any of the local news stations and I’ve had enough.

The overused “Breaking News Alerts” are like a kid crying wolf. Too many stories are “breaking news” so I don’t bother to pay attention to the important ones. Also, the ridiculous gimmicks that force us to stay tuned after the commercials are stupid and try my patience.

Just report the news, stop making us wait to hear the story and only call it Breaking News if its something really important. This morning’s breaking news involved some tree that fell over from the strong winds. Sheesh. I’m done with them.

Mark - I will be arriving late next week Monday and Tuesday. Plan on having my coffee ready later so it’s not cold when I get in. Also I don’t mind you reading the paper but please do it after I’ve had a chance to look at it. Let’s not have another “wrinkled pages incident” like last time.

Nick - it’s nice you are trying to keep busy and have many people coming to your desk for questions but please try and keep the noise level down. You know how important my morning naps are to me and when I’m suddenly jarred from my sleep by some frantic visitor of yours, it makes me cranky.

Madeline - the blood stain is almost gone from the carpet in my office. I think one more good scrubbing should do the trick. And I promise to replace the broom handle I borrowed from your cleaning closet by tomorrow.

Michael - I’d like some pretzels for my afternoon break tomorrow. Please remember to scrape off all the salt this time. I know it’s tedious getting it all off but maybe you could multitask and burn the DVD’s too. Also I think it’s going to rain, so don’t bother getting the car washed tomorrow. I’d still appreciate you picking up a little on the inside and be sure to check under the seats. I think I lost a couple of cans under there the other night.

Ingrid - I’ve been getting complaints about your phone etiquette again. You must remember to answer using my full title, first and last name. Perhaps during your lunch hour, you can practice answering in front of the bathroom mirror. It’s very important we give a good impression to our customers.

All - if you get any calls about the “Shoop” incident, please refer them to the family lawyer.