Posts from — December 2005

I cancelled our account with Netflix this morning. For the past several months, huge delays in shipping were bringing the cost per DVD up to that of renting them at the video store. In the past I could return movies on Monday and have three new ones by Thursday or Friday. The cycle of getting three movies per week made their service worthwhile and cost-effective.

Then I read about how Netflix “throttles” customers who are cycling through movies too fast. To slow things down, they delay shipments in the customers queue. I’m not sure if this is true but my rentals have slowed down considerably in the past few months.

From Netflix customer service:

“In determining priority for shipping and inventory allocation, we give priority to those members who receive the fewest DVDs through our service. As a result, those members who receive the most movies may experience next-day shipping and receive movies lower in their Queue more often than our other members.

By prioritizing in this way, we help assure a balanced experience for all our members. Those that rent a lot of movies get a great value and those with lighter viewing habits are able to count on our service to meet their limited needs.”

Their unlimited rental offer is not what it seems. As a power user, I’m not able to rent, watch and return movies as fast as I want. Instead of my usual 12 movies per month, I get throttled down to about 9 per month.

Receiving popular movies right after they are released is another problem. If I really want a movie, I save it to my queue months before its release on DVD. Then I prioritize my popular choices to the top of the list. When the DVD is finally available, I figure it should be mailed to me within a few weeks. This rarely happens. Instead my queue showed “very long wait” and I often waited months before getting the DVD.

I also read Neflix gives new customers preferential treatment. They are the ones to get new, popular movies first. To test this, I signed up for a no obligation 2 week free trial under a dummy name with a different credit card. Next I placed a newly released movie, one with a “very long wait” in my regular queue, to the top of the list in my dummy queue. The movie was shipped the very next day.

So I cancelled the dummy account and also my regular account of many years. Neflix is a great service with a huge selection of movies from which to choose. Maybe they’ve grown too popular and can’t keep up with their customer’s requests. We decided to separate from each other for a while, maybe things will improve and we can get back together.

For now, we’ve moved to Blockbuster. For about the same price we get three movies to rent plus 2 in-store rentals. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Dear Heinz Ketchup,
First of all I want to tell you how much I enjoy your ketchup. The new EZ Squeeze bottle with the stay clean cap and control valve always gives me total control where my ketchup goes. After pouring your ketchup on a hamburger or hot dog I know I’m always in for some eating fun.

One question; does it ever bother you when someone uses your product for things other than eating? For instance, many times I play a game with my wife where I pretend to be shot with a gun. I use your ketchup in place of blood because it looks so real. It scares the daylights out of her each time I do the gag.

How about when I take a ketchup packet and place it under the toilet seat? The “victim” sits down and gets squirted all over their leg with ketchup. That’s pretty funny, isn’t it?

If you prefer that I not play pranks on other people using your ketchup, let me know. I’ll stop doing it immediately.

Sincerely,

Mike

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s {2005} winner:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.