Category — Driving

I tried several excuses to not come into work today because of the heavy snow we got last night. None of them worked. The streets and our driveway were shoveled by the time I woke up. My car started right up and I plowed through the snow on the main roads with no trouble. And I only live 3 miles from work so it doesn’t take long at all to get here even if there is a lot of traffic. Living in the new condo gives me little excuse to declare a Snow Day.

In the old days at the house it would take me hours to get to work and the streets would never get plowed until the the spring when the warm weather would melt the snow.

So I have it good and bad now. I’ll just have to come up with some new reasons to stay home from work. Here are some that I may use someday.

Fast food can kill you. But not necessarily by eating it. I was driving around yesterday and some bimbo pulled out of a fast food place. I followed her for a couple of miles and I thought she was drunk by the way she was driving. It turns out she was eating her freakin’ hamburger and fries while driving down that extremely busy road.

By sheer luck this idiot driver nearly missed crashing her hunk-of-junk car because she was pigging out and not focusing on the road. Studies have shown that driving while distracted is as bad as drunk driving and this moron shouldn’t have been on the road.

The same goes for people talking on their cell phones while driving. Most people can barely drive a car and when they start talking on the phone, they are even worse. How can you be expected to use your turn signal if one hand is holding a cell phone and the other one is on the steering wheel? Looking away for even a second to dial someone on your phone is all it takes to get in an accident.

How distracted are you while driving? Take this quiz.

The local paper did a feature on the traffic roundabouts being installed around the city. There are several in operation already with several more planned very soon. The article talked about how they’ve been used for years in Europe with great success. Previously clogged intersections are cleared when they are put to use.

But then they described, in great detail how to navigate a roundabout. There is a lot of confusion with drivers experiencing one for the first time. Apparently they don’t know what to do when the see a yield sign or how to avoid crossing over into another car’s lane while inside the roundabout. The article helped to clear the confusion so the traffic accidents will actually go down instead of up at the intersection. Usually accidents increase for a while until drivers get used to driving in these traffic circles according to this report.

It just goes back to my usual thinking; most people are morons when it comes to driving. They don’t think about what they are doing, they drive too fast and they are too distracted by other things to pay attention to the road. Crashing into another car coming at you when entering a roundabout should be grounds to have your license immediately revoked. If people are that stupid, then we all need to be spared the pleasure of sharing the road with them.

It’s great living in an apartment so close to everything. Hours are added to my schedule each day. Today I had an eye doctor’s appointment and it only took 10 minutes to get to the office. When we were in the house, that same trip would have taken me about 45 minutes.

So we’ve been in the apartment for about 2 months now and I’ve calculated the shorter driving times to places I frequently visit:

Trip to the cat psychiatrist - 12 minutes
My dendophrenologist appointment on Thursdays - 8 minutes
The Wednesday and Thursday night Alien Abduction support group - 4 minutes
The Windows 95 training seminar at the public library - 10 minutes

And now it only takes me 4 minutes to drive home from work. It takes me longer to walk to my car than it does to drive home. When we lived in the house, it took me almost an hour on some days to get home. That saves me at least 45 minutes each way per day. It’s really nice to save on gas and not have an aggravating drive every day.

Everyone knows my main pet peeve with other drivers is their failure to use turn signals. It infuriates me when some slob turns in front of me and doesn’t use their blinker.

This morning during the pre-flight check in my car, I discovered my left turn indicator lights weren’t working. The right ones were fine but the left signals were malfunctioning in the front and back. Since I was running late to work, I left anyway but decided to make only right turns all the way to work.

I plotted my course where I had to overshoot roads just so I could come back where I needed to be by turning right at an intersection further down. It took a little figuring but I finally made it to work. I was over an hour late but I was still able to enforce my policy of using my blinker at every turn.

I often talk to myself when I’m alone, at home, during work and while I’m in the car.

Here’s what I say when I’m driving:

“Stupid Moron! What’s the matter with you?”
“Hey Idiot, thanks for using your blinker!”
“&#$%^%@@$#$%”
“Get that piece of crap out of my way!”
“Right turn around the world.”
“Why don’t you follow me a little closer you f–ing tailgatger!”

What do YOU say?

I paid more than I have ever paid for gas this morning, $2.79. It’s so bad I think Pam and I will start carpooling to work every day. Her new office is on the way for me and our schedules are the same. I’m sure she’ll appreciate not having to drive in the morning and a passenger will be nice for a change.

People with recreational vehicles must be hurting now too. I heard it takes hundreds of dollars to fill the tank for a weekend’s worth of fun. I’m not sure how people can afford to use them very often.

The car companies better get in gear and start developing more high mileage cars. The Toyota Prius is a great start and the skyrocketing sales of this vehicle shows the interest by people to drive gas-saving cars.

And finally the President should put his foot down, get our troops out of Iraq and be concerned with the U.S. and it’s problems like this gas crisis.

I take great pride with myself in being a very good driver. My driving record is perfect. I started driving when I was 14 years old working as a porter at my Dad’s car lot. I have never received a ticket (even for a parking violation) or have been in an accident.

It amused me the other day when I asked a young man working in the department how he enjoyed the Chrysler 300c SRT car he took home for the weekend. I teased him by asking if he was able to handle such a fast car and not get into trouble. “I’m an excellent driver” he said. “After I got my license back from being suspended I haven’t been in any accidents” he continued.

I chuckled about the pride he takes with his driving and realized most people think they do it well. They don’t realize they are bad drivers and continue on their way getting their licenses suspended and causing accidents that only cause to delay me.

I had enough of my slow computer so I formatted the hard drive and reinstalled Windows XP. Now it’s blazingly fast. Just like it should. Yeah, baby.

Did you notice that cars are always tailgating you? Do you wonder why everyone is passing you on the road? It’s because you are a freakin’ slowpoke. Get out of the way and off the road. If the speed limit is ___, then drive that fast. 5 MPH over is an even better idea. If you drive a little faster, I’ll forgive you for not using your blinker - - NOT.

A lot of people I know don’t need this, they create enough on their own. For you others, here’s a BS Generator.

I don’t feel like going in tomorrow, I’ll be “working” from home if you need me.

This image and more at Dribbleglass.com.

I got to drive a 2002 Dodge Viper again today. It’s great fun cruising around in that car. It’s even more fun watching the people trying to get a glimpse of the cool guy driving the car.

Don’t correct my grammar unless you are positive I am wrong.

I love this stuff: Tron Kubrick sets.

“Look up and share the wonders I see.” - John Crichton
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