Category — Interesting

Just so you know, I divide people into two groups; those who “get it” and those who don’t.  Most people with whom I come in contact during the day fall in the latter group.  There are also people that think they get it but really they don’t.

For example, the women that daudle in the elevator lobby.  When the door opens, move QUICKLY to get inside.  We’re trying to be polite and we’re all waiting for you.

Then there’s the guy in the sandwich line today who didn’t get it.  While waiting in the long line he could have been deciding what to order.  Instead this DGIL (Doesn’t Get It Loser) gets up to the counter and then takes his time figuring out what to order.  The look on my face should have been enough to help him change his behavior. But since he doesn’t “get it”, he never will.

My hours of operation at work are:
Monday - Friday
8 a.m. - 5:15 p.m.

Excalibur

Originally uploaded by frontsideback

My photo of a nightclub in Chicago is being considered for inclusion in an online tourist site called Schmap. I’m flattered.

from 2002…

So on Saturday afternoon we go to see David Copperfield at the Fox theater. We bought our tickets the night before on Ticketmaster.com and by luck got second row seats.

While we were waiting for the show to begin, a stagehand approached and asked if Pam and I were married. He said that David uses a married couple in his act and wanted to have us join him on stage. Yee ha!

The show began and we were called up for the first illusion. It involved a large steel plate and we were there to test its authenticity. David had us both knock, tap and even kick the plate to make sure it was real. He made a couple of married couple jokes and had us stand on each side of a large metal box.

He laid down in the box and our steel plate was placed on top of it. Next a large sheet was placed over the entire box.

Before too long, we saw the sheet rising up in the air! He was passing his hands and feet through the steel plate and making sheet rise up. Amazing.

We were standing right next to this box the entire time and still couldn’t figure out how he did it. Of course we were pretty nervous being in front of such a large crowd but the illusion looked very real to both of us. He finished the act to the sound of a roaring crowd.

“Everyone give them a big hand” said David and we were shuffled off the stage and back to our seats. During the rest of the show he glanced at us a couple of times. We were his new helpers, we thought.

After the show, we hopped over to the MGM Grand casino to check it out. We’ve never been to the one downtown. We had a decent meal at the buffet and quickly gambled away the $10 in quarters we got while playing the slots.

It was a fun night and one we will remember for a long time.

Last Thursday I got called to serve on jury duty. I arrived at the courthouse thinking I would be sitting around all day and that I wouldn’t get called for a trial. But within 45 minutes of arriving I was in the jury box ready to hear a case. The trial involved a man accused of drunk driving and driving with a suspended license.

Last Thanksgiving this man was driving down the back roads of the county when a young couple on their way to Thanksgiving dinner spotted his erratic driving. The family followed the accused for several miles and witnessed him narrowly missing other cars several times. Then he ran into a ditch and destroyed a mailbox. They followed this guy all the way to his house where the police met up with him moments after he arrived.

When confronted by the police, the drunk driver admitted to having a “few drinks” and crashing into the mailbox. He gave himself away before the cop had a chance to ask him anything. Then he tried to trick the Breathalyzer test so he was taken to the hospital for a blood test. They found his alcohol level to be an unbelievable 3 times the legal limit. The man was arrested and spent Thanksgiving night in jail.

At the trial the evidence was overwhelming and we unanimously found him guilty. That is except for one juror. She sympathized with the drunk as she had her licensed suspended for drunk driving. Being the moron she is, the rest of the jurors easily persuaded her to change her vote. All it took was a promise for us to meet at the bar and get drunk that night. Of course none of us showed up but at least we got out of the courthouse right away.

Afterward, the judge told us this was one of the fastest trials he ever had. And he told us we made the right decision. The drunk guy was in front of this judge twice before for the same thing. Three strikes and you’re out.

When I originally got the notice to appear for jury duty, I was pissed. But after going through the experience, I’m glad I was able to participate. Of course its a big inconvenience but I realize now how important the process can be. The judge compared our serving on a trail to the soldiers in Iraq - that we’re doing our duty as Americans. It was an enlightening experience and if I’m chosen to serve again, I’ll have a better understanding of the whole process.

After long consideration and with advice from Mike C, I decided to get laser vision correction. I was apprehensive about undergoing a procedure that had the danger of damaging my sight. But now, after the surgery, all my fears were unfounded.

I met with the doctor twice before the procedure. Each time complex tests and measurements were taken with extremely advanced equipment. Later, I checked the doctor’s credentials and discovered what Mike already told me; he is at the top of his field. I also read that over 20% of the surgeries he performs are to correct the mistakes by other so-called LASIK doctors. And it was refreshing to have a doctor that actually sits down with you to review your options and go over the procedure without hurrying you along to get to the next patient.

I picked a good time to have the surgery, they were running a special. For $400 more, they offered X-Ray vision enhancement. I figured it would come in handy in a lot of situations so I went for it. Adding it on was my best choice of the entire experience.

As I layed on the table just before he activated the laser I asked the doctor “Will I be able to play the piano after I’m done?” He said “Why yes, Mike. You certainly can play the piano once your eyes fully heal.” I cheefully replied “That’s excellent, doctor. I was never able to play before.” (I know, bad joke.)

So now I have better vision than I had wearing glasses and it’s amazing. I highly recommend it to anyone considering getting it done. And don’t worry, I’m just kidding about the X-Ray vision thing.

Bibliomancy is a form of divination where one seeks to know the future by randomly selecting a passage from a book. The procedure is to pick any book, lay this book on its spine and allow it to fall open to a random page. Then with your eyes closed you pick a passage with your finger. This random passage will give you divine guidance.

I thought I would try this out. The book I found was “Winning” by Jack Welch loaned to me by a co-worker. I chose the second paragraph on page 133:

What you’ve heard about resistance to change is also true. People hate it when their bosses announce a “transformation initiative.” They run back to their cubicles and frantically start e-mailing one another with reasons it’s going to ruin everything.

The passage I selected is very appropriate with regard to the departmental changes going on around here lately. I’m not sure if the words will give me guidance about the future but it was fun nonetheless.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year’s {2005} winner:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

After watching the horrible events with the hurricane for the past week, I have a few thoughts:

Why did it take so long for federal aid to arrive on the scene of the disaster? In an interview with the mayor of New Orleans, he said help did not come for 48 hours or more. “Now get off your asses and do something, and let’s fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country.” said Nagin.

The president should have cut another one of his vacations shorter to deal with the mess. Bush should have immediately assigned a cabinet level officer to take charge and help all the victims with an immediate response, using all the resources of the entire country - whatever it takes. He should have called a “Code 12.”

The storm exposed a huge flaw in the federal disaster response system put in place after the 911 attacks. After tens of billions of dollars to implement this plan, it fell tragically short of actually helping these hurricane victims in a timely manner. First the storm’s intensity wasn’t taken seriously, then offers for aid from the military and other cities were rejected by a slow and ineffective bureaucracy. Maybe they’ll learn from their mistakes and finally get it right.

I’m having trouble understanding why so many people choose to stay in their homes when a hurricane hits. I know they didn’t expect it be so devasting and most have weathered many hurricane’s in the past. Should there have been a mandatory evacuation much earlier?

I hate to think the money I donated will somehow get to the looters, rapists and criminals down there. Too many innocent people lost their lives, and these assholes are going to be fine. Hopefully the National Guard is dealing with these people with extreme force. I watched an interview with Gov. Kathleen Blanco and I saw the total disgust she had for these criminals. It was a very disturbing image for me.

Of course I’m not down there and couldn’t possibly understand what all these people are experiencing. One thing I can do is give them my very best wishes.

We’re back. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Sort of like fridge magnets, here is an excellent flash site that creates random sentences. You can change the nouns or verbs for some interesting “zentences.”

Scratchdisk is a neat distraction. Run your mouse over the pad and strange illustrations appear. There’s even some creepy music playing in the background.

It’s good to be back.