Final Report

I intercepted this note from Ralf, our former intern from Germany. Apparently he is required to write a report about his experience with us.

Dieter,
I hope this letter finds you well. My internship is finally over and it is not a moment too soon. I had a difficult time adjusting to the office at first but I gradually got into the routine. I was involved with fascinating projects and I worked with a lot of cool cars. But my experience had some downfalls. I sat in an area with five other people that were a constant nuisance. If they are a representation of the American workforce, the U.S. is in deep trouble.

Using idiotic nicknames given to each other for reasons I never understood, here is a list of these people:

Dragon Lady: my immediate supervisor, talked on the phone all day long. But I never figured out who she was talking to.
Spider: the department’s finance guy. He never had lunch money and didn’t know the word “yes.” Every budget request was met with a stern “NO!” I learned not to bother him when he was reading The Journal.
T-Bone: another student working in our area. I observed him working hard all day the entire time I was there and I admired his dedication. It wasn’t until the end of my rotation that I realized he was burning DVD movies, downloading tv shows and playing games the entire time I sat next to him.
Bosco: he holds himself in high regard but I couldn’t see the value of his work. He would also talk on the phone frequently and usually the conversations involved him working on some project with his cottage or house.
Cruiser: our IT guy; the smartest and best-looking person in our little group. He was overwhelmed with work but mostly with people’s home computers. When he wasn’t repairing some executive’s daughter’s laptop, he was busy surfing the internet or updating his extremely entertaining weblog. I suspect T-Bone learned a great deal from him as they are both masters at looking busy.

My recommendation for improvement to this department would be to separate these five people. They work very well as a team in coming up with new and creative ways of avoiding work. I applaud their expertise of creating the illusion of being the most respected and dedicated employees in the entire organization. But nothing ever got done.

I look forward to seeing you in Dusseldorf next week,

Regards, Ralf.