If I had an intern

At any given time in the Marketing department, we have several interns working here. Some of them are total losers that view their placement as a chance to goof around and evade work. But most interns (especially Ralf) come in ready to work and learn and they genuinely enjoy their experience. I can see how useful an intern can be so I decided to request one for myself. Here’s what I would have them do:

- Arrive 30 minutes before me, turn on my computer and tidy up my desk if needed. Have my coffee waiting at my desk each morning along with the morning’s paper.
- After I get settled in, the intern can start their morning errands like picking up my dry cleaning, washing my car and taking my grandmother to her doctor appointments.
- When the intern returns I’ll give him the list of requests for assistance I received while he was gone. While he’s out doing that, it will give me plenty of time to read all my favorite blogs and make some phone calls.
- Lunchtime will go smoothly with an intern. They can have the car pulled around to the front door so I can get to the restaurant quickly. We won’t have to worry about parking since the intern can just stay in the warm car and eat their bag lunch while I’m inside entertaining “clients.”
- The afternoons will be as fun as the mornings for my intern. I would keep them so busy the time would fly by. Sorting M&M’s by color, scraping salt off my pretzels and keeping people away from my desk while I “rest my eyes” for 30 minutes would be some of the things my intern would learn while assigned to me.
- The day wouldn’t always be over for my intern when everyone leaves. In the evening, I would give them the opportunity to drive me and my friends around to bars and learn how to be a designated driver. Parking wouldn’t be a problem for us again since they could stay in the car and listen to the radio.

I’ve put my request into HR for my intern. I’ll let you know how it goes.