Special Modifications

You may have heard I got a new car a few weeks ago. With some creative financing, an excellent value for a trade-in and a night job, I was able to afford a Chrysler 300C. It’s loaded with fantastic features including automatic headlights, wipers and mirrors. The best part is the V8 Hemi engine.

But its the modifications I made to the car after I got it home that I like to brag about. With hard work, I managed to make this already awesome car into something I will love for years to come.

Here’s a rundown of the added options:

- Adapted the windshield with the same technology as the Joo-Janta 500 Super-Chromatic Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses, they become opaque when the driver gets scared.
- installed a BFG9000 behind the headlights. For when the horn isn’t enough to get someone out of the way.
- obtained a cloaking device provided by the Romulan government under a special amendment to the Treaty of Algeron.
- cobbled together an FSQ Primary Force Field and Deflector Control System to keep idiots from scratching the paint.
- purchased a neurogenic dampening field to disable the morons that don’t use their blinker or generally piss me off. I hear repairs are costly to counteract the field’s effects.
- tailgater’s will be in for a suprise when I activate the oil slick and tire puncturing system behind the license plate. Somehow I don’t think they’ll be able to keep up with me after that.

Congratulations to SpaceShipOne. They won the X Prize.