Thank You Letter

Dear Heinz Ketchup,
First of all I want to tell you how much I enjoy your ketchup. The new EZ Squeeze bottle with the stay clean cap and control valve always gives me total control where my ketchup goes. After pouring your ketchup on a hamburger or hot dog I know I’m always in for some eating fun.

One question; does it ever bother you when someone uses your product for things other than eating? For instance, many times I play a game with my wife where I pretend to be shot with a gun. I use your ketchup in place of blood because it looks so real. It scares the daylights out of her each time I do the gag.

How about when I take a ketchup packet and place it under the toilet seat? The “victim” sits down and gets squirted all over their leg with ketchup. That’s pretty funny, isn’t it?

If you prefer that I not play pranks on other people using your ketchup, let me know. I’ll stop doing it immediately.

Sincerely,

Mike